We Need More Marital Disclosure!
When a company is sold the seller generally has to disclose all of the material liabilities associated with the business, including pending lawsuits and claims that are likely to occur, so the buyer knows exactly what he is buying. The same is true with selling a home. Unless the home is sold “as is” the seller needs to tell the buyer about any significant problems with the house, especially if it’s a hidden defect and not obvious.
So why is it then when we get married there is no similar disclosure statement? It’s a pretty important transaction we are entering into, right? And the contract, at least in theory, is supposed to last “until death do we part.” Moreover, unlike a business or piece of property, you can’t easily return or resell if your spouse is not what you thought you were getting.
So shouldn’t each party to the marriage be required to put all their flaws and unusual past behavior on the table so that there are no surprises? And while they’re at it, shouldn’t they also have to disclose important historical information about all family members who may be regularly infiltrating their lives for decades or wacky relatives who may share some of the same genetic make-up as your beloved?
I’m not so concerned with obvious stuff that you should really pick up on while dating- such as if the prospective mate is so bat shit crazy that anyone should know it (though it is surprising how often those things are missed while mesmerized in the courting phase). I’m talking about the hidden stuff that the unsuspecting lad or lassie is unlikely to find out until after the deal has already been consummated.
Let me give you an example. I was planning a trip for my 30 year Anniversary to Eastern Europe- Prague, Budapest and Vienna. So I mention this to my mother-in-law who has relatives who came from these parts. I thought she might be able to point out some things to do and even help identify some distant relatives of hers who were still alive that we might visit with and get the true insider experience.
Instead she blurts out for the very first time in three decades of knowing her, and as causally as if she is telling me if there is mustard in the fridge, that her great-grandfather killed someone while in Prague and had to quickly flee to Budapest. Now wouldn’t the fact that you and your daughter come from a stock of murderers be something I should have been told about before now? Before I tied the knot with your daughter and before I perpetuated his murderous DNA inside my own children?
And needless to say, I’m completely freaked out— I now sleep with one eye open not knowing if tonight will be the night that one of his chromosomes rears its head in my otherwise adorable wife’s brain and she slams a knife into my chest in the middle of the night. I can’t even drink out of a glass of water or milk that she has filled for me without questioning in my mind whether she is actually serving me a toxic poison that will cause me to gag, vomit and bleed out. I have to come up with some reason why I need her to taste it first or pass altogether. And when she drives swiftly up the driveway, as she is prone to doing, and I am standing there, I half expect her to run me down and splatter me all over the pavement. I have been known to dive into the hedges to avoid this potential calamity.
Bottom line: It’s not easy being married to the great-great granddaughter of a murderer. Had this critical historical issue been reported on a marital disclosure form, along with the antics of other crazy relatives, I think I could have saved myself quite a lot of heartache. Perhaps I would still marry the chick but at least I could make an informed decision about what I was getting myself into.
Addendum (in the spirit of full disclosure):
While the story is true, my fear of my wife is not. She is harmless as a fly and even carries them and other insects outside to safety rather than swatting or squashing them. And yes, I would have married her however disturbing and dangerous her disclosure statement, but the point still remains.
Photo Copyright: Olivierl, 123rf.com
