The Dumbing Down of America

This is not about the growing distrust of science in America – such as by those who deny that climate change is real as our nation and globe is burning and boiling at a record pace. Or the refusal by nearly half the population to get vaccinated from Covid – fully willing to kill grandma and run the risk of returning to a bunkered-down state because they “just don’t believe in unproven vaccinations.” And it’s not about how many Americans get their knowledge these days – from biased, unscientific sources that support their pre-existing beliefs (“confirmation bias”) – a major contributor to our nation’s declining intelligence.

This is even more basic – the significant shift in recent years in how we and our leaders write and talk with each other. There are new rules of communication that are making us dumber by the minute:

Make everything quick. Keep it simple.

Always look to shorten or abbreviate. Even Coronavirus is now Covid.

Don’t write complex sentences. It’s ok if it’s not even a sentence. In fact, break up your sentences. Into phrases.

Forget about big, unique or interesting words. Sesquipedalian speech is out. You don’t want to sound like you have an education or have read a book. One of them damn elites.

Try to use the same simple words as much as possible. Everyone knows and can understand them. Indeed, aim for the smallest vocabulary possible.

No distinctions, nuances or qualifications. Subtlety is out. Everything is now black and white.

Who identified this linguistic demise in America early, helped advance it more than any other and was (and still is) its biggest benefactor? Donald Trump of course.

He seized the moment, aided ironically by scientific technology – St.Louis native Jack Dorsey’s Twitter invention. And as luck would have it, the man who identified the syndrome also just happened to have the panacea – “the best words.” How do we know that? Because he said so. And he added “believe me” – therefore it must be true.

So step aside Webster. Our country’s new great lexicographer is the Donald. While it may be painful to those of us who care about words, employing Trump’s dictionary and playbook is essential if you want to communicate effectively with much of the American people – especially those who don’t live in a large metropolitan area. Indeed, of the 2,973 counties in the United States, a whopping 2,496 of them voted for Trump in 2020 – 84%! (I know that nearly 7 million more people and 74 more electors voted for his opponent but his peeps don’t know or believe that for a minute.)

So how can we all learn to speak Donaldese? It’s easier than you might think. It requires mastering less than 50 words to get a degree from Trump University (though the diploma might cost you twenty grand).

You start with his two basic language building blocks: “sad” and “bad.” They can be used to describe literally anything or anyone you don’t like – it could be someone with the wrong skin color, gender preference or nationality, or anyone who disagrees with you or finds fault with your actions. These are great words because they cover so much territory in Donald World and a first grader can say, understand and spell them. They even rhyme.

Donald has used them to take on folks who dare to criticize him for things like lying, cheating, duplicity, infidelity, bribery, tax fraud and the destruction of our democratic principles. And to undermine and discredit the most respected of people because they don’t love America like he does – a federal judge who rendered a legal decision against him or a Lieutenant Colonel who devoted 40 years of service to this country who testified under oath about his actions. And if you really want to try to destroy these “haters” reputation it can also help to call them out as “stupid,” “weak” “incompetent” “disloyal” “liberal” or even “ugly.”

Next, don’t forget to emphasize all of your points- both good and bad- with a healthy dose of “so.” It’s only two letters, pairs nicely with “sad” (and other favorites) and assures people that you actually mean what you say. For variety you can also throw in “really” and “very” which do the same thing. You can even double up and use them back to back to show just how right you are – it’s like having three verbal exclamation points!!! And if you want to go full out Donald, be sure to CAPITALIZE them.

Always remember that America is the “Greatest Nation on Earth” (at least the part of the country and the people who have the good sense to worship the Donald). Be sure to say that a lot. Americans REALLY like to hear we’re the best. Unlike the naysayers, these true patriot supporters are “smart,” “tough” and, “to be honest with you” (only to be used when you’re NOT really being honest) “tremendous.”

But perhaps Donald’s best word in his dictionary is “beautiful.” It’s not used in the traditional sense – to describe amazing scenery, artwork or music or a person who engages in a truly selfless act. Rather, it has it’s own unique and broader meaning. Sure it includes young women – as long as they are models. And prostitutes – if they are attractive. But it also includes hotels and buildings with the Trump name emblazoned on it. Even a steel wall designed to keep immigrants out of our great country built by immigrants qualifies. If you’re having some trouble with this one, just keep in mind that everything Donald says and does is beautiful. And that there’s nothing more beautiful than “winning.” Donald does a whole lot of that. In fact, he never, ever loses. How is that possible? Because he’s too smart to ever admit defeat. That’s what “losers” do.

Beyond use of these great words, the playbook contains some other helpful advice:

Always state your position, however shaky or false, with confidence and forcefully (and it doesn’t hurt to have your gun handy).

Just state conclusions folks. Stay away from any details or explanations. There’s nothing to be gained there. Losers call these facts. But facts are fake.

Never admit you were wrong. That way you never were.

Never provide an exact number. That can get you into trouble if proven false. For example, if you want to say a program for folks desperately in need costs too much, simply say that’s “a lot of money” or that it costs “billions and billions.”

Finally, if you find yourself in a pickle where you have lied or screwed up and got caught, concoct a short catchy phrase to distract folks and discredit the source. Repeat it over and over until it becomes a mantra. Have others repeat it so much that it becomes like an annoying advertising jingle you can’t get out of your head. Don’t worry if it’s not true. Does anyone actually believe that “Nationwide is on your side?” It really works in today’s America. Check out Trump’s greatest hits album featuring: “Fake News” “Hoax” “Alternative Facts” “Deep State” “Politically Correct” “Witch Hunt” “Never Trumper” “Drain the Swamp” “Enemy of the People” and “Stop the Steal.”

“Genius!?”