Drugs, Drugs, Drugs for Sale
Are you one of those people who every time you hear about a medical condition or disease, you think you may have it? One of my sisters is like that- you mention poison ivy she starts scratching. Polio– and she suddenly can’t walk (o.k. slight exaggeration). She has been convinced for decades that she is going to get Alzheimer’s, even though she has no symptoms of it. Then again, she does keep repeating that she’s going to get Alzheimer’s.
If you are one of those folks, it’s probably not a good idea to listen to the TV ads for prescription drugs. They are all virtually the same. For about ten seconds they extol the benefits of using their wonderful product. Then for the rest of the commercial, while trying to distract you with smiling people engaged in lots of activity and happy music, they tell you in a soft mellow voice about all the terrible things that their drug may do to you. The list is always incredibly long and excruciating.
Indeed, the potential complications are often far worse than the underlying problem they are trying to treat: “Use of this medicine may cause uncontrollable diarrhea, loss of bladder control, and facial warts; your d**k could get smaller, your ass could get bigger, and you could get dumber than Sarah Palin.” I can’t believe they get anybody to take their medication after that.
A recent ad I saw suggested that their medication might give you a heart attack or stroke, but if that happens, “be sure to seek medical attention.” Really? Are there people out there who have heart attacks and strokes and say, “Naaah, I’m just not sure if my condition warrants medical attention? Maybe I should finish eating my Big Mac first.”
And these ads always tell you that if you are having a serious problem, to go see your doctor immediately. Does anyone have a doctor who they can see “immediately? ” Unless you’re the President or a celebrity, you can’t get see most doctors for weeks if not months. And when you call the doctor’s office, you get the standard phone message: “Press 1 if you’re a doctor calling for a doctor (i.e. a priority), Press 2 if you’re a pharmacy (we’ll get to you eventually), Press 3 if you’re a patient (no friggin chance you are talking to the doctor). In fact, the first thing all doctor office messages say is if you are having a medical emergency hang up and call 911 or go to the hospital- in essence, don’t bother the doctor with your serious medical problems, he/she’s got other stuff to do- like seeing how many folks he can get through in under five minutes.
And why does the pharmaceutical industry spend hundreds of millions of dollars advertising prescription drugs to the public anyway? It’s not like we can prescribe these drugs for ourselves.
Yet, the drug companies encourage us to “ask your doctor about taking zylofoxomate.” You mean to tell me that Billy Bob is going to tell someone who spent nearly a decade going to medical school, residency and internship, and then years as a physician in his field of specialty which medicine Billy thinks is best –and based on watching a 30 second commercial no less.
I am trying to figure out how this plays out in real life. Harvey goes to see his doctor because he is having massive hemorrhoids and says, ” You know, Doc, I was watching the ballgame last night and I saw a commercial for Proctorelief that promises to shrink those son-of a guns, how about you prescribing some of that for me?” His doctor patiently listens and then says: “Thanks for bringing this drug to my attention Harvey. I had no idea how to treat your problem. You know a hellava lot more about medicine than freakin Harvard Medical School where I studied. Sure I’ll prescribe some of that for you- how much do you want?”
“Oh, and by the way, would you mind if I gave you a call later to discuss with you the medical problems of my other patients? Or should I wait until you watch a few more commercials and get a little more up to speed?”
Photo Copyright: Cathy Yeulet
