Corona on the lighter side
Some additional random observations from this past crazy month living in a world with corona-virus (I know there are serious ramifications for some, which I do not make light of, but you got to always have a sense of humor):
1. As my family knows well, I have never liked the Happy Birthday Song. In fact, I rank it as the single worst song in history. The tune sucks and there are only five words to the whole thing with four of them the hardly riveting and inspiring “Happy Birthday to you.” Are we collectively so uninteresting and lacking in creativity that we need to sing in rote this mindless jingle every time a person celebrates a birthday?
And if this weren’t enough, health officials have suggested that folks should sing this song not once, but twice, every time you wash your hands (which is supposed to be almost constantly) to make sure you do it long enough to wipe away the bacteria. We can’t just count to 20? Or repeat the name of our children and their dates of birth, even parents and siblings if necessary, so we actually remember their birthdays? Or at least sing a Beatles song (the first stanza of Yesterday would probably get you there)? No, they recommend the bleeping’ Happy Birthday song. Really? Corona, you’ve been bad enough without inundating the world with more of the worst song ever written.
2. I have previously mentioned that this is the golden age of the dog. Man’s best friend is truly in its heyday. For them, it’s the best of times AND the best of times. Folks are staying home with their pooch 24/7, and the dogs are getting more rubs, walks, treats and attention than they ever dreamed imaginable. Even homeless dogs are being adopted at a record pace. But now I’m growing concerned about how they will handle the dramatic change when we eventually go back to our normal lives. Can dogs get PTSD?
3. By contrast, this is a really lousy time for Corona Beer. It’s bad enough that folks don’t want to touch the stuff because they actually believe that they could get the virus from it or because, psychologically, they just can’t stomach drinking something with the same name as the worst virus in modern history. Corona’s sales are being crushed through no fault of their own. But to add to their misery, their product is taboo at the worst possible time – during the biggest surge in alcohol consumption since prohibition.
4. I also suspect that it’s a really bad time for the reported 27,263 Americans whose last name happens to be Corona. Indeed, I would guess that many have lost some friends, can’t order take-out without a restaurant hanging up on them thinking they are making a prank call, and the young men will have difficulty finding women willing to to marry into “the Corona family.”
5. Six feet is taken on quite a new meaning. It used to be the benchmark for a tall man – before we started routinely growing kids at 6 foot 4 and above. But now six feet is measured horizontally – as in the distance that someone you don’t know, or even your beloved parents or grandparents, ought to stay the hell away from you to prevent exposure to the virus. Well, at least it beats 6 feet under!
5. For those who worship the St. Louis Blues and have waited 52 years for the squad in Blue from the Lou to hoist the Cup, I’m sensing there’s an increasingly good chance, thanks to the CV, that we will remain as Stanley Cup Champions for another year. I miss hockey a lot, and would love another shot at winning this thing with a great squad, but statistically it’s a long shot to repeat and I gotta admit that continuing as “reigning Stanley Cup Champs” sounds pretty cool!
6. Finally, I suspect the folks that love Christmas and New Year’s babies are going to be pretty darn happy this year- if my math is correct!
