Why Moms Trump Dads
On this Mother’s Day, I honor aMazing Moms like my wife who are incredibly devoted to their offspring and always put them ahead of themselves. We Dads often fall a little short (and that may be a charitable description). Perhaps it’s because the mother is the one who actually gives birth, provides initial nourishment, and has been wired from centuries of experience and DNA to be the selfless one.
But, on a lighter note, I have an alternative theory. I think it may have something to do with the psychology of the names and, in particular, that all-important first letter. Psychologists tell us that primacy is essential. In a trial, most jurors tend to make up their minds in the opening statement. In sports, the first one to score usually wins. In families, the first child generally gets favored nation status and becomes CEOs and doctors at much higher rates than the rest of us. And, as a society, we often only remember and revere the first. How many can name the second person to walk on the moon? Or the Super Bowl runner-up? So why should it be any different when it comes to the first letter of a name?
You may ask, what’s the big difference between The M of Moms and the D of Dads? The evidence is actually quite compelling:
M’s are marvelous, merciful, magnanimous, majestic, miraculous, and magical. D’s are disgusting, deleterious, dastardly, deficient, depraved, and deceitful.
M’s represent music, people who act like menches, and our blessed Maker. D’s represent disasters, people who act like dicks, and death- in other words, total Debbie Downers.
Is it merely a coincidence that M is for marriage and D is for divorce?
Would you rather have a massage or go to the dentist?
Would you rather go to Maui or Darfur?
Would you rather spend time on a mountain overlooking a meadow with a majestic moon above? Or stuck in a dreary dungeon in darkness and despair?
Would you rather live in a world ruled by Mahatma Gandhi or one ruled by David Duke or the Donald?
M’s are magnificent. But from an early age we are indoctrinated to disdain Ds. In school, D’s represent a very disappointing grade, which may lead to disciplinary action, and even dismissal.
On the bright side I guess D’s are at least better than F’s, which represent complete failure. Then we Dads would really be fucked.
Oops, we are also Fathers.
Happy Mother’s Day to all of the better halves!
