Our Dog Vinny
Happy Birthday to Vinny who is one year old today! He’s a great dog- playful, friendly to all, smart, obedient and just plain lovable. To top off his resume he carries a big stick.
But his birthday got me thinking about dogs’ pathetic longevity. It’s been the mantra since I was a child that one year in a dog’s life is roughly equivalent to seven years of human life. Consistent therewith, the average large dog only lives about 10-12 years. What’s up with that? By contrast, horses typically live 30 years, elephants often exceed 70 years, certain whales and sharks can make it 200 years, and, purportedly, the Arctica Islandica Crab can survive for more than four centuries!
As for human life expectancy, it was only about 45 in the U.S. at the turn of the 20th century. By the 1950’s it had jumped to 66. Today it is close to 80. So clearly advances in medicine, along with expanded knowledge about nutrition, exercise and avoiding stuff that’s bad for you (like cigarettes, agent orange and asbestos), has had a dramatic effect on our lifespan – nearly doubling it. Yet, for some inexplicable reason we been been unable to extend the lives of our dogs in any similar meaningful fashion.
It is the quality of their nutrition? Their food has got to be healthier than the McDonald’s that millions cram down their stomachs every day. And (most) dogs don’t drink or smoke.
Is it their typical weight gain as they get older? It sure doesn’t seem to hinder humans much.
Is it their medical care? The fact that humans see specialists for every different body system and disease from cancer to heart disease to diabetes while dogs generally rely on a single doctor to diagnose and treat every condition and body part could be a factor. I love our vet but how can you be an expert on everything?
Or is simply genetics, breeding, and an inevitable and unalterable fact of life?
In any case, it ticks me off that man’s best friend reaps very little of the benefits of our medical advancements.
On a lighter note, now that Vinny has already turned seven in human years I decided that it was time to have that important first father-son chat. So we sat down today (actually he sat and I held a piece of meat as an incentive). Turns out that he wouldn’t mind some companionship, especially of the female dog variety. He told me that he has not had much luck on traditional dating sites (Who knew what he was doing when we left the house?) It’s just lunch was a complete disaster, especially for his appetite. So he asked if I could use my blog (and my worldwide audience- the blog has now been read in ten countries per my software tracker) to see if I could get the word out.
So here goes: Vinny is seeking an energetic, sweet and slender gal with good dental hygiene who enjoys chewing shoes, roughhousing, and taking long walks in the park. His more specific likes and dislikes include the following:
Favorite Movie? My Cousin Vinny
Favorite TV Show? All Vin the Family
Favorite Cartoon? The Vinstones
Favorite Painter? Vinny Van Gough
Favorite Songwriter? Bob Vylan
Favorite Musical group? The Vindigo Girls
Favorite Date? Visiting a Vineyard and drinking lots of Vine
Favorite Season? Vinter
Favorite City and State? Vindianaopolis, Vindiana
Favorite Foreign Country? Vindia
Favorite time of the day? Vinner time
Favorite Food? Egg McMuffvin
Favorite Dessert? Vinilla Ice Cream
Favorite supplement? Vinamins
Thing he hates most during eating? Vinteruuptions
Thing he hates most after eating? Vindigestion
Favorite social media site? Vinstagram
Favorite College: Vinceton
Job he would like to have if he was not a dog? Vindow Viper
Favorite actor? Vincent Price
Favorite actress? Vynnith Paltrow
Favorite Disney Character? Vinderella
Favorite Hotel? The Vynne Hotel in Vegas
Best personal character trait? Invincible
Worst personal character trait? He can be Vindictive at times
Favorite expression? “It takes Vin to know Vin”
Favorite Football Player? Vinny Young
Favorite Basketball Player? Vinny Carter
Favorite Baseball Player? Tom Glavin
Favorite Hockey Player? Vincent Lacavalier
Favorite announcer? Vin Scully
Favorite announcer call? (Jack Buck’s) “That’s a Vinner!”
Favorite tennis tournament? Vimbledon ( he loves that “all white” look)
If you know of someone who might be a good match, please let me know.
