Cliches I could do without
There are several cliches that I have adopted as part of my vernacular, unwittingly passed on to me over the years by elders (yes, there are some folks older than me). On closer examination they make little sense. Please join me in permanently putting these guys in the dumpster.
“It stinks to high heaven” – used to express distress at a terrible or unfair situation. I’m not personally sure that there is a heaven, but a lot of really smart and thoughtful folks are certain that it exists so what do I know? From everything I hear about the place, though, it’s really amazing. It supposedly has the best of everything – so I would expect it would have a very pleasant smell – after all, who wants to go to a place for the rest of eternity that stinks like a morgue? Perhaps the bad smell is limited to “high” heaven? I’ve spent a fair amount of time over the years attending religious gatherings and listening to religious pontificators on TV (mainly for the entertainment value since the days of Jim and Tammy Faye Bakker) and I don’t remember being told to aspire to an even higher heaven than the real deal. But assuming there is a second floor, I would presume it’s reserved for the “best of the best”- the true angels among us. So again why the hell (oops) would it smell so bad?
“By the skin of my teeth” – as in I was the very close winner in a sporting contest or barely escaped or avoided a bad consequence. When I look at myself in the mirror (as I’ve been doing more lately as my uncut hair has reached the uncontrollable stage after three months) I don’t see any skin residing in my teeth. Admittedly I am no dentist or orthodontist, but I have friends who play them in real life. And they have confirmed to me the obvious: there is no human skin in teeth – well unless you’re a cannibal and you just got through with a eating binge and forgot to floss. So what’s the deal with this expression?
“I’ve been feeling under the weather” – as in I’m not feeling so good but not so bad as to actually seek medical attention. Is there any logical relationship between how I feel and the weather? Aside from those with allergies, I don’t think that our health is generally influenced by whether it’s a sunny or rainy day, the temperature, barometric pressure or frankly anything a meteorologist says (though you wouldn’t know it based on the inordinate amount of attention we give to the weather). But more importantly, what does my location in relation to the weather have to do with my condition? And aren’t we basically always UNDER the weather? Would my health really change if I summoned the courage and the estimated $52 Million per passenger to take a space ride to get above it?
“It cost an arm and leg” – as in the product or service that I just purchased was very expensive. Does this comparison really make any sense? I don’t know the market value of my arm since I can’t throw a baseball over 90 mph and have not shopped for one recently on Ebay or Craig’s list. Nevertheless, I value both limbs pretty highly. In short I can’t imagine that I would ever trade an arm or a leg ( much less both!) for a tank of gas, a ticket to a great concert or sporting event, or even a ride in space with Elon.
“Didn’t cut the mustard”– designed to explain that a person wasn’t able to do the job or meet the standard. This is particularly baffling since I don’t see how one’s performance has anything to do with the country’s second favorite condiment for which we actually accord a national honor (August 5 is National Mustard Day so be sure to get ready). Nor can I see how even the best performers among us could ever manage to cut the mustard. That said, I would much prefer they try to cut that than the cheese.
And last but not least, “Dead last” – as in really last. Aside from its redundancy (last is after all last) it strikes me as an odd pairing of words. Like most folks I don’t like to be last- the last one chosen for a team, the slowest one to finish a race, or to have my team finish at the bottom of the standings. But death is actually one thing I wouldn’t mind finishing last at.
