Expressions I Just Can’t Get My Arms Around
There are many commonly used expressions that I find perplexing. I will share a few that really “get on my nerves:”
1. Why do many folks say after someone dies that “we lost him?” Losing something suggests that it can be found – you just need to look a little harder, use an app, or remember where you were when you last had it. Sometimes, when lady luck is present, you actually retrieve it. But, I have never heard about someone dying and then being found (putting aside the Jesus tale).
2. Then there are those who seek to demonstrate that they really don’t care about something by proclaiming that they “couldn’t give a rat’s ass.” Now that’s some major lack of concern. Does that mean if there was something they did truly care about they would give a rat’s ass? And if they were so inclined, would they trap and capture a rat, amputate its rear end and then present it to the person in distress? How exactly would that serve to alleviate that person’s discomfort?
3. Next is the common declaration by superstitious types that “the third time is a charm.” Tell that to Jeffrey Dahmer’s third victim. Or to St. Louis Blues fans when they made their third straight appearance to the Stanley Cup Finals in 1970 and lost in a 4 game sweep (exactly as they had in 1968 and 1969). Or to Elizabeth Taylor’s third husband. Indeed, statistics suggest that it is more likely for a third marriage to end in divorce (73%) than a second marriage (67%) or a first marriage (50%). There is nothing magical about screwing up two times that suggests the probability that you are about to get it just right. In fact, if you haven’t learned your lesson after two failures, it’s pretty likely that the third time won’t be a panacea.
4. I am especially baffled by those who excitedly exclaim “that’s cool as shit.” I have never once found shit even remotely cool. It’s not exactly what I would call aesthetically pleasing, smells like well …, and is probably the last thing I would want to hang around. So how exactly is it cool? I doubt that anyone who regularly works around the stuff (janitors, sewer workers, nurses and zoo keepers) finds it all that groovy. I can’t imagine who came up with this ridiculous expression, but I think it belongs in the crapper.
5. Lastly, I am baffled by the folks who boldly contend that: “there’s no such thing as a stupid question.” Really? They are either oblivious to what constitutes a stupid question or have never watched a press conference, taught a class or ever been out in public. Even lawyers like myself – so-called experts on interrogation- have propounded some of the most ridiculous questions ever uttered publicly:
“Now, your youngest son, the 16 year old, how old is he?”
“Was that the same nose you broke as a child?”
And these wonderful exchanges:
“Q. What time, Dr., did you examine the body of Mr. Galapokis? A. The autopsy began at 10:00 a.m.
Q: And he was dead at that time, correct?”
“Q: How far pregnant are you now?
A: I’ll be six months on December 10th.
Q: So the date of conception was approximately June 10th?
A: Yes.
Q: What were you doing at that time?”
I cringe when I hear these expressions, “to be honest with you.”
